Signs You Should Give Therapy a Try

If you follow me on Twitter, you might know by now that I finally decided to give therapy a try. As a do-it-all-yourself kinda gal, it took years for me to admit that maybe I needed some help. A friend had suggested therapy for maybe a year. When I moved to the Phoenix area, I finally took the leap of faith and found a therapist (which is a story for a different post), scheduling my first appointment for early in 2019.

The process of finding a therapist was daunting, especially as a young professional in a new city. It’s not like I could ask around to find a good therapist. At first, I didn’t really want people to know I was even going (although I’m pretty shameless about it now).

Searching online didn’t turn up much. But again, that’s a story for a different day. After about a month of looking, my dad happened to get a recommendation from someone, who gave me a recommendation for someone else, which brings me to the therapist I have today.

When I finally found someone I liked talking to on the phone (yes, my current therapist) I set up my first appointment for several weeks (maybe even almost a month) in the future. The initial appointment was a lot to unpack, but – almost immediately – I knew I had made a good decision.

While the reasons you might be considering therapy could be different from mine (in fact, they probably are) here are some of the yellow flags that maybe you should consider it as a real possibility. I could’ve saved myself a lot of personal hurt and grown a lot faster had I noticed these in my own life.

Your bad habits are getting in the way of living your best life.

Except for those who are really, really close to me, no one knew about the issues and struggles I was having. While my parents are pretty in tune with the happenings in my life, I don’t even think they knew the extent of what I was going through until Thanksgiving of this past year. Most people think of me as someone who has everything together. I mean, when you see my color-coded planner with a system of boxes I use to track my to-do list, it’s easy to assume that I’m organized, clean, by-the-book, and all-in-all just your stereotypical type-A accountant.

I’m definitely not. I would say that I’ve been constantly overwhelmed and stressed out for easily the last 10 years, but, when I came back from studying abroad at the end of 2015, things really fell apart. Some of my weird planning quirks were really just methods of dealing with stress levels I’d never before experiences. Are some of those planning habits healthy? Sure. Is having a major breakdown when something doesn’t go your way healthy? Yeah, probably not.

By the beginning of 2016, so many things were going poorly in my personal life that I just started throwing myself into anything and everything I could. I started volunteering to give more tours, I began coaching at the First Tee of Tucson, I picked up more hours at work, I decided it wouldn’t be absolutely horrible to take 22 units in my junior year of college (that’s 7 classes, and yes, it was horrible in hindsight), I planned trips that would get me away for a weekend, and I went out drinking regularly. Sure, it sounds great when you make a list, but I had no time to myself to just decompress.

There are a lot of good things that came out of this time; I got closer with a few of my now very close friends, I saw new places in the world, my blog started growing, and I kicked ass in school, despite what my mental breakdowns and tears may have indicated. (One time I started crying in the middle of my accounting class and had to step out.) But pushing myself past my limits and not giving myself room to breathe made me develop some bad habits.

The first one was something I always struggled with – cleaning. I hate tidying up. I hate getting rid of things. One day, when I have enough money, I will hire someone to clean for me. That is my goal in life. I hated doing laundry, putting stuff away, dusting, mopping, sweeping, cleaning the bathroom… If you ask my parents, they will tell you that I was a hoarder who lived in filth. Although I don’t think my room was something you would see on a Dr. Oz show, my dad would tell you it was well on its way to becoming that if it wasn’t already there. Maybe one day I can look back and admit it. But I can admit I had a problem.

Then came the kicker – I developed a bad shopping habit. With all the things that made me unhappy, I started buying things with the new money I had from working more hours. When things didn’t go my way, it was ok, I could buy something to make me feel better. When things did go my way, it was great, I could buy something to reward myself. Everything ended in more things, which was just a temporary band-aid on my happiness.

In the end, I would say these two bad habits together spiraled out of control in parallel and I soon found myself in a nearly un-liveable situation. I knew I had a problem and I didn’t want people to see it. I was embarrassed of my room, but I didn’t know that it was just a reflection of my mental health. I knew it was a problem, but I didn’t know how to fix it. I ended up blaming myself for just “not being more organized” instead of seeking out a resolution because I didn’t know better. I isolated myself in my room, didn’t ever invite anyone over, and the problem kept growing. It was my dirty (and not so little) secret.

I don’t know what’s going on in your life, but if you have something you feel like you can’t share with other people, it might be a sign.

You feel like you’re struggling in your relationships.

The last few years have been difficult, to say the least. I’ve had a lot of really big highs and a lot of really big lows. I won’t discount all the amazing things I did in the last 4 years. I got a an undergraduate and a graduate degree, I passed all my CPA exams, I started my first big-girl job, and my blog took off like never before.

However, in the relationship department, I struggled. I didn’t really know how to effectively communicate how I was feeling. I cried a lot, got frustrated easily, and it all came out when the stress became overwhelming (which was a lot). I felt like no one wanted me around, I was losing friendships, and started to get anxious anytime I had to go to events where I had to talk to people.

Some of the things that happened were good in the long run. I found out who my true friends were. They let me talk about my insecurities and made me feel comfortable in situations where I normally would have felt uncomfortable. My social circle got smaller, but that ended up being a good thing. The people I with whom I surrounded myself made me a better person. They didn’t ever give me anxiety because they were my real tribe.

But, if you feel like you can’t leave the house, and your relationships (friendships, significant others, coworkers… any relationship!) aren’t bringing you joy or feel stagnant, maybe you need to talk to someone before you decide the problem is with your relationships. (Although, it’s totally possible that your problems can stem from the other person – just remember, it isn’t all up to them!)

You’re constantly feeling drained and tired.

Depression does interesting things to the body. It gets in the way of sleeping, it gets in the way of eating, it gets in the way of everything. Soon enough you’re caught in this cycle where you can’t get a good night’s sleep and the days get even harder. The days bring more stress and definitely don’t help.

Yes, you could simply be tired from stress. But even then, that much stress doesn’t do good things to the body either. When you experience high levels of stress, your body can enter a fight or flight situation, where you either get bursts of energy or your body just shuts down. Some stress can be healthy and help you accomplish things. Some stress is debilitating.

So whether it’s finding a way to effectively manage that stress or you find that you’re suffering from depression (I had a mix of both), your exhaustion could be a sign that you may need to seek help.

You find that you’re not as interested in the things you love.

This really was the ultimate thing that made me break down and begin looking for a therapist. It seemed like nothing was bringing me any happiness, even the things I once loved.

Blogging wasn’t giving me any joy. I didn’t have fun golfing. I didn’t want to go out with friends. What are you supposed to do when you lose sight of your passions, especially when your passions make up for such a large part of who you are?

Losing interest in your passions happens to be another sign of depression too.

Nothing else is working.

If you feel like you’ve exhausted your options and you just can’t seem to figure out a solution, talking to a therapist could be one of the greatest things you ever do.

Imagine – a completely independent person is sitting there just to listen to you. You can vent all you want and they can help you reframe your thoughts.

The independent part is key. They are not there to judge you. You don’t have to worry about losing a friendship if you say too much. Everything is open and on the table and they are simply there for you.

You’re just overwhelmed.

Look, I’m going to be honest. After going to therapy for a few months now, I truly think everyone can benefit from it. There’s something cathartic about going and talking about your problems once a week and there’s something mature about the fact that you can actively change the way you think about those problems.

So, if you’re overwhelmed with your relationships with others, overwhelmed by the size of your to-do list, or if you’re a walking hot mess like me who’s been struggling with all of the above… Well, take this as your sign and make that leap into the world of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I mean, you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

This post has been extremely difficult and emotional for me. If it helps you in any way or you have any questions, please feel free to reach out on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook… whatever, I just want to help. This is the turning point on this page where I feel like I can start being far more vulnerable and I hope that this helps someone else feel like they aren’t alone.